The discussions of managing grief in the March 12 issue seems to me to omit an important approach. How is it that one can have a huge and deeply satisfying cry in seeing a fictional tragedy on film or in theatre?
The technical
answer concerns what is called distancing. One can control and
enjoy crying about a painful event if it brings on an earlier event of
one's own, one with positive emotions. The process of distancing is about
influencing one's response to an upsetting event by dealing with it in
connection with an earlier event, one that was felt as positive. It seems to me
that this possibility is crucial, both in therapy and in life.
Distancing in the
response to emotion seems to be important not only with grief, but also with
other emotions, such as fear, anger and shame. Managing emotions in this
way may remove much, if not all, of the pain.