ELECTION INTERJECTION: Greetings, fellow Santa Barbarans — along with any Russians fleeing President Vlad (the Impaler) Putin, Texans, and Martians.
As you may know, our upcoming city election will test whether democracy will prevail. It is therefore vital that you go to the polls on Monday, November 2, and cast your ballots.
(Editor: Actually, it’s Tuesday, November 3, and it’s a mail-in election. There are no polling places. Besides, only city residents are eligible to vote, although Martians may cast provisional ballots if they bring 10,000 acre-feet of water apiece.)