Sometimes the best that can be said is that things can always get worse. That’s my initial reaction to news this week that Mike Stoker — Santa Barbara’s perpetual and perennial Republican candidate — is about to be anointed czar of the Environmental Protection Agency’s West Coast branch, otherwise known as Region 9. This may qualify as one small step forward for Stoker, but it’s also one giant leap back for mankind. When Stoker’s appointment is finalized, perhaps we can lay to rest the tired old line about foxes protecting chicken coops. When Stoker ascends the Region 9 throne, any chickens still alive will commit suicide by crossing the road in mass numbers.
Stoker and I have been threatening to eat Dodger Dogs together for about 30 years. Maybe now we will. Once upon a time, Stoker was the leading man for what the Republican Party called its “Brat Pack.” Over time, Stoker grew long of tooth and had run for every office — Congress, State Assembly, State Senate — short of county assessor. He lost them all, emerging as the GOP’s equivalent of the Bayonne Bleeder, absorbing blows from a steady stream of Democrats with astonishing good cheer. Always on the prowl, Stoker was that rare Republican who actually liked talking to reporters. He always called back. He rarely complained about what we wrote. He was shrewd and candid. He was fun.
Like I said, it could be worse.