It’s come to this: toe cleavage.
And apparently, it’s a serious issue. While the rest of America is coming to terms with new anatomical designations — and exaltations — like the under butt and the side boob, House Speaker Paul Ryan and the Republican congressional leadership are still grappling with bare shoulders, sleeveless tops, and of course, the creeping scourge of toe cleavage.
For those who’ve never been, Washington, D.C., in the summertime is infamous for its 98 degree heat and 99 percent humidity. Body parts seek exposure there as part of the human body’s attempt to maintain temperature equilibrium. It goes without saying that this only became an issue when female body parts got involved. Perhaps in a more well-ordered universe, women would come equipped with no such distracting parts. Or at the very least, they would stay out of Congress. In recent weeks, we have learned, at least two well-known female reporters have been barred from the Speaker’s Lobby — presided over by the aforementioned Ryan — because of excessive shoulder exposure. The Speaker’s Lobby is where any self-respecting reporter goes to get fed the crumbs and tidbits that pass as news, so such banishment is consequential. Ryan is insisting upon appropriate and professional attire. Apparently shoes that expose the ravines separating women’s pedal digits are too provocative. Ryan — famous for supporting any bill that would deny 22 million Americans health care — is currently hard at work “modernizing” the dress code required inside the halls of Congress. Even Arizona Republican Rep. Martha McSally felt compelled to take to the floor of Congress to declare herself appropriately and professionally attired in “a sleeveless dress and open-toed shoes.”